See ya in Vegas

Tour diary #1

Today we left L.A. for Vegas for the southwest leg of our farewell tour. Packing is on my “things I don’t enjoy” list. Really not a fan. It gives me anxiety to no end. I always seem to forget something important and remember to bring too much of something I don’t need. Don’t you miss being a kid when your mom used to pack for you? I do. Always relieved once I’m in the van, even if I’ve forgotten something. As long as it’s not a passport or stage clothes, I can usually get whatever else I need at Target. Tights, underwear, socks, cream. These are a few of my favorite things. It’s hard to leave my little kiddos behind. I miss my daughter’s stinky breath and the sweet smell of my baby boy’s hair as I rub my face in its lamb-like softness. I miss holding my daughter’s sticky, doughy, warm hands. They’re so soft, like a loaf of unbaked bread. I miss my baby’s laugh that sounds like the Pillsbury dough boy. And this is the great challenge of being a mother. How to spend as much time with your children as possible but also pay rent. It’s a real conundrum. How to be an artist and make money is hard enough, and then throw kids in the equation and it’s really a riddle inside a riddle. On another note. My super power is I can sleep anywhere. I don’t get as much sleep now that I’m a mom, so I take advantage of the endless hours in the van horizontal. Curled up in a ball on the van bench, jackets and sweaters strategically placed around my body for maximum comfort. Coconut water is my favorite van drink. Jesus, it’s hard to eat healthy on tour. Julie DJs and 95% of the time she kills it. Today she was playing Weezer’s Blue Album. I haven’t listened to that stuff in years. My goodness, is that record good. Like really really really really good. How does someone write something that perfect. Fuck. My tour nickname is Tinkle Bear cuz I always have to pee. I drink a lot of water, so that’s the natural result, I guess. Touring has reminded me how much I love music. How essential it is to my being and how euphoric it feels to transcend with the music onstage with you all. The serotonin that pumps through me is palpable and it lingers, like good sex. I want to make music for fun again. And not worry about money. I don’t want to worry that a song will make enough money to pay my rent. I wonder what that feels like. I hate the fucking climb, the grind, the game. I hate the industry. I hate that side of things. I just want to write songs, be in the studio, and play shows. Fuck all the rest of it.